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' .I





ehind the brown door which bore the gilt

letters of Dr. Merlin Knox's name, Edward the

Dyke was lying on the doctor's couch which

was so luxurious and long that her feet did not even

hang over the edge.

"Dr. Kn<?x," Edward began,"my problem this week is

chiefly concerning restrooms."

"Ahh," the good doctor sighed. Gravely he drew a quick

sketch of a restroom in his notebook.

"Naturally I can't go into men's restrooms without

feeling like an interloper, but on the other hand every time

I try to use the ladies room I get into trouble."

"Umm," said Dr. Knox, drawing a quick sketch of a

door marked 'Ladies'.

"Four days ago I went into the powder room of a

department store and three middle-aged housewives came in

and thought I was a man. As soon as I explained to them

that I was really only a harmless dyke, the trouble began ..."

"You compulsively attacked them."

"Oh heavens no, indeed not. One of them turned on the

water faucet and tried to drown me with wet paper towels,

but the other two began screaming something about how

well did I know Gertrude Stein and what sort of underwear


by judy Grahn, Oakland, California


did I have on. and they took my new cuff links and socks

for souvenirs. They had my head in the trash can and were

cutting off pieces of my shirttail when luckily a policeman

heard my calls for help and rushed in. He was able to divert

their attention by shooting at me, thus giving me a chance

to escape through the window."

Carefully Dr. Knox noted in his notebook: 'Apparent

suicide attempt after accosting girls in restroom.' "My

child, "he murmured in fatherly tones, "have no fear. You

must trust us. We will cure you of this deadly affliction,

and before you know it you'll be all fluffy and wonderful

with dear babies and a bridge club of your very own." He

drew a quick sketch of a bridge club. "Now let me see. I

helieve we estimated that after only four years of intensive

therapy, plus a few minor physical changes you'll be

exactly the little girl we've always wanted you to be."

Rapidly Dr. Knox thumbed through an index on his desk.

"Yes yes. This year the normal cup size is 56 inches. And

waist 12 and


Nothing a few well-placed hormones can't

accomplish in these advanced times. How tall did you tell

me you were?"

"Six feet, four inches," replied Edward.

"Oh, tsk tsk.,, Dr. Knox did some figuring. "Yes, I'm